Recovery Today / November 2010
Not long ago, I came across some writings by author Brennan Manning that touched my soul and reminded me why I love working in the addiction treatment field. I hope his words will touch you too and keep you doing the important work you’re called to do – helping addicts discover their true selves in recovery.
You may remember reading Don Quixote back in high school. The book is about a half-crazy, old man named Alonso. And Alonso somehow gets it into his head that he’s suddenly become a Spanish style knight-of-the-round-table. So he puts on a suit of armor and begins calling himself by the exalted name of Don Quixote. Alonso then saddles up an old nag and finds himself a rag-a-muffin squire; he then does battle tilting with windmills as he sets out on a sacred quest to right the wrongs of this world.
But the most touching part of the Don Quixote story centers on a woman he meets on his journey. She’s both a barmaid and a hooker. Aldonza is her name - and while she hasn’t quite made it into the AA Program – she’s working really hard to qualify! Yet Don Quixote, in his delusion, sees her as being an aristocrat – a beautiful lady….“my Dulcinea” – “my Sweet Little One” – is what he calls her.
At first the barmaid is puzzled and angered by how this crazy old knight is treating her. But then Manning tells how she’s also strangely attracted, because out of this encounter has come “… the affirmation that she’s a treasure and she’s to be prized as a treasure and treated as a treasure. He shatters her wall of defensiveness and fear.”
Now let me quote at some length the part that most touched me:
“‘Dulcinea?’ cries Aldonza. ‘My God, he knows my whole life-story. I’m a slut. Yet he’s calling me Dulcinea!’
For this woman covered with shame it is a word that rises like a beacon from the depths of a black sea. Dazzling in its simplicity, transforming in its power, astounding in its wisdom, Dulcinea is an unspeakable utterance from the mystical depths of God himself. Dulcinea is stunning revelation that God reads everything differently from the way we do. You cannot miss what he is up to in his servant Don Quixote: the losers will be winners and the winners will be losers.
Manning, a recovering alcoholic himself, continues writing: “Toward the end of the story, the dream world of Don Quixote is shattered and he is dying in his family’s home. Aldonza breaks into the room. The old knight doesn’t recognize her – he’s weak and sick and confused. ‘I don’t know you,’ he says.
Aldonza kneels by his bedside and pleads, ‘Please! Please say you know me!’….
‘Is it so important?’ he asks.
‘Important? It’s everything, everything!’ she replies. ‘My whole life! You spoke to me - and everything seemed so different.’
‘I spoke to you?’ Don Quixote whispers.
‘Yes, and you called me by another name, Dulcinea. When you spoke the name, an angel seemed to whisper, ‘Dulcinea,’ ‘Dulcinea.’
“All the pent-up longing in the heart of Aldonza explodes as she pours out what happened when he called her ‘Dulcinea,’ the earthquake in her spirit caused by his love and acceptance. His calling her ‘a lady’ awakened something in her she thought she could never be. She had been dead, frozen, immune to human emotion. The triumph of her life was not to need anyone. But he had broken into the sealed chamber of her heart and she began to unfreeze. Seeds of hope, long buried, sprang to life. She began to believe that she was Dulcinea. Everything was different because she had been touched by the love of a dreamy old man named Don Quixote.”
Jesus is quoted as saying, “Believe me when I tell you that the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering into the kingdom of God before you.” Jesus saw and awakened in people what they could not yet see in themselves. He said, “God loved them just as they were.”
Before AA was born, Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob attended meetings of the Oxford Group. They sat in meetings where the participants were desperately trying to overcome their problems through living the simple principles of radical love and forgiveness that Jesus had taught. They did it primarily through the practice of Quiet Time where they stilled their minds and tried listening for God’s Voice deep inside their own minds. Bill and Bob found and listened to the Voice as it awakened them to a new level of consciousness that transformed their lives. The Voice told them who they really were just like Don Quixote’s voice revealed to the woman in Manning’s story her own true identity.
If we’re privileged to work with alcoholics and addicts, then we witness Dulcinea’s miracle happening over and over again. Men and women who’ve forgotten who they are and who have their backs up against a wall, finally turn and say, “God help me!” And that’s often when the miracle happens. That’s when they hear the Voice that tells them who they really are. And what does that Voice say? That Voice says, “You’re an alcoholic or you’re an addict; but you’re far more than that too. You’re also my son – you’re my daughter – and I love you – and there’s nothing you could ever do or say that has the power to change that. Not one bit!” Somehow when they hear it - that Voice sounds strangely familiar. It’s a Voice they’d heard long ago - but had forgotten.
When Oxford Group people listened quietly to the Voice, it told them who they were – who they really were. And if you asked alcoholics like Dr. Bob or Bill if that was important, I think we could almost hear them say, “Important you ask? It’s everything, everything! It’s my whole life! Someone spoke to me - and everything was different.”
About the Author:
Fr. Bill W. is CEO and President of Austin Recovery.
Send comments, questions, speaking requests, or treatment scholarship donations to:
Fr. Bill W. /Austin Recovery / 8402 Cross Park Dr. / Austin, Texas 78754;
or email: BillW@AustinRecovery.org